Great Pick up Lines

Hey baby...mind if I take my pants off?
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I love you, you know.
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Hey, kitten. How about spending some of your nine lives with me?
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If I let you suck on my tongue, would you be grateful?
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Have you ever played "Spank the brunette"? Want to try?
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Are those lumberjack pants your wearing? They are giving me a wood.
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Do you like whales? Well I have a hump-back at my place.
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You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a hole filed of you!
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You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you.
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Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.
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I have a six inch tongue and I can breath through my ears.
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Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you'll have a place to sit.
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Hi. Can I domesticate you?
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Hey baby there's a party in my pants and you are invited!
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Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
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If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.
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Your belt looks extremely tight. Let me loosen it for you.
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Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
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"Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight."
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I've been a bad boy/girl, so spank me!
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Do you mind if I hangout on your stomach for a half an hour or so?
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I'm a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
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Yeah, it's big and if you pet it, it spits
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"So, did you here the one about the guy and the girl who had the most sexual relationship?" ("No.") "Well then, let's go to my place and I'll tell you all about it."
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Excuse me, do you have any Benedryl? No why? Because everytime I look at you I have swelling "down there"
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Let us let only latex stand between our love.
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(Walk up to the target and lick two fingers and place them near her crotch. Then place the fingers back in your mouth and say . . . ) I know you!
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Do you see why they call me tri-pod?
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Um...I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?
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There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount.
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If you had some nuts on the wall, couldn't they be called walnuts? (Yes). If you had some nuts on your chest, could they be called chestnuts? (Yes) If you had some nuts on your chin, could they be chinnuts? (Yes.) Hell no, you'd have a dick in your mouth.
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Do you like chips? Because if you are "Frito Lay" than I am a barrel of fun!
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I heard your ankles were having a party... want to invite your pants down?
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Come over here and get a taste of America's Most Wanted.
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Hi. My name is Laura. I'll be your playtoy tonight.
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Did you know that I saved a girl's life last night? (No.) I pulled a 6-inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
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You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
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Do you mind if I end this sentence in a proposition?
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How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilized?
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Let us pretend my pants are France and invade them.
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Are you a virgin? (No.) Prove it!
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I would like to herd my cattle in your fertile valley.
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Hi. I'm a dog and I need to bury my bone.
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Lets skip all the bullshit, lose our inhibitions, and DO what we really came here to do.
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You bring a whole new meaning to the word, "edible."
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Do you live on a chicken farm? (No.) You sure know how to raise cocks
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Excuse me, but you have a "dick for" on your head. (What's a "dick for"?) I'll show you.
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Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?
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Hi, sorry I don't have an opening line but since you have an opening and I have a line. . .
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How about we make like Winnie-the-poo and I get my nose stuck in your honey jar.
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Do you wanna box? (Yes.) Well, get on your hands and knees and give me two blows to the head.
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Pick a number between 1 and 10. You lose. Take off your clothes.
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Want to play lion tamer? You could get on all fours and I'll put my head in your mouth.
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What is your first name? Hmm, that goes kinda well with my last name. (Editor's note [if you couldn't figure it out]: switch if a girl is picking up a boy)
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I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
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If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
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(wiping your face), Oh I'm sorry, (wiping your face), let me clear a place for you to sit!
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Hey I see you are wearing clothes. I'm wearing clothes. Did you know we have something in common? We should get together and do something sometime.
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Is your boyfriend/girlfriend here? Is s/he on the roof? (No.) Then let's go to the roof!
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Wanna play "kite"? I lay down, you blow and we'll see how high you can make me.
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My bedroom has a very interesting ceiling. . .
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I'm easy, but it looks like you are hard.
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Do you have room in your life for another friend?
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Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?
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Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
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Do you like chicken? Sorry, I haven't got any, how about a cock?
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Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.
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If I were to borrow your glasses, could I see you home?
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Could you tell me where they keep the rutabagas? Oh, thanks. Oh, by the way, what is a rutabaga?
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I think that we might be related. Let me check for the family birthmark on your chest.
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I wanna take out your pencil and stick it in my pencil case.
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I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1.
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If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep in until the afternoon.
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Hi. I'm horny.
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Excuse me, but you've got a Wild Blocost on your shoulder! (What's a Wild Blocost?) How much do ya got?
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You know, I wanna go inside your wine cabinet and pull myself out a stiff one.
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You look like my type: Nice hair, beautiful eyes, amazing body, but there is still just one problem: your clothing. (What's wrong with my clothing?) They're still on.
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(Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.
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So, are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?
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I'm a writer, you're a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
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I have not had sex in three years. No matter what you did, kiss me all over, dance for me, or wear provocative outfits, I would not give in. Want to test me?
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Hi. I'm like a tropical island: hot, wet, and waiting for tourists.
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Are you cold? Let me be your electric blacket. Just plug me in and I'll make you feel nice and toasty inside and out.
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(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?
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Do you want to come over to my place and feed your beaver some wood?
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Champaine can be tickly, and so can I.
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You know how your hair would look really good? [No.] In my lap.
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If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off?
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Do you remember me from the other night? Probably not, because we really hit it off.
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Do you believe in Santa Claus? Do you think that if I am good this year, he'll put you in my stocking this year?
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You know what they say about guys with big hands. (What?) Big latex.
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How can I love you if you won't lay down?
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(What are you doing?) I'm taking off my shoes. (Why?) So I can take off my pants.
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If I were the king, and you were the queen, in the cosmic game of chess, would you mate with me?
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My cat has lovely fur. Can I see yours?
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You know how I am with dicks? I suck at it.
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Do you like anyone else in here? Well, I guess you are stuck with me.
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If you were a duck and I were a moose, and we had sex, we'd make a duckmoose, and it would sound like this: [make the wierdest sound you can].
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You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.
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What do you think of Bill Clinton? (Answer...) Yeah, me too, but I try not to follow that stuff regarding Bill, Hilliary, or Monica. Want a cigar?
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Damn, I know you are not on four legs, but you look faster than a cheetah.
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You're on my list of things to do tonight.
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If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
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"I have this magic watch that can actually talk to me. Seriously, it's saying something right now." Put ear to watch. "It says that you're not wearing any underwear, is that true?." [No.] "Oh..." Tap watch a few times. "That's the problem... my watch is an hour fast!"
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Do you want to go swimming? Damn, there isn't a pool around... But my sheets are blue?
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Hi, I'm the reincarnated soul of Tai-Pong, once a starved, naked Buddhist monk. All that isolation is getting to me. Want to get down on your knees and pray?
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Come on. We're leaving.
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The name is Reese, and you're lookin like someone that would suck on my piece.
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(Holding your nuts) Do you want "2 CDs" (see these) for a dollar?
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Does God know you've escaped from Heaven? Here, come with me to my place. You can stay there until he calls looking for you.
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Look at my lips and your lips. They want to massage each other.
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Have you ever seen Buttman's Between the Cheeks?" No, well let me demonstrate.
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Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
(Works great for white guys)

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What's your name? That's a beautiful name. Can I ask you one single, impulsive question? Are you in love at the present moment? I'm not the type of person to impede on another person's happiness but if the answer is "No," I'd like to continue with my rhapsody. Has anybody ever told you that you glide? (What?) It's a very special quality, every other girl/boy in this place merely plods along but you glide, girls who glide need guys who make them "thump." (What's thump?) You think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you watch the phone waiting for it to ring. Girls who glide need guys who make them "thump," I can make you "thump." Have dinner with me.
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I know I can't have your cherry, but can I get the box it came in?
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If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.
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Hello, can I offer you eight inches of strength and sensitivity?
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Are you anorexic? Oh, OK, then I'll understand if you spit.
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Do you have a can opener? My dick is about to pop.
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Do you work at Subway? Because you just have me a footlong.
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Do you want to see the soles of your feet in the wing mirrors in my car?
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I wanna take my extention cord and stick it all the way into your electrical outlet.
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You have beautiful hair. But it could be better. (How?) If it were spread over my pillow.
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Wanna feed my beaver some wood?
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Hello, I may have just met you but I feel like I have known you all my life and I love you. What hotel room should I reserve?
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Hi, do you dissect insects for scientific research? (No, why?) I thought you might want to look inside my fly.
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Roses are Red; Apples are Sour; I'll Spread my legs; and you can show me your "power."
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I'm sterile.
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I'll make you shiver when I deliver.
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Hello, well-formed Homo-sapien specimen. Would you care to depart with me towards my domiciliary residence and observe a documentary of the ontogenesis of another Homo-sapien individual just prior to fertilization?
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Want to get down with me like four flat tires?
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Did I mention that I'm the only person in the Guinness Book of World's Records actually able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose?
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If you were camping and woke up with a used condom inside you, would you tell anyone? (No.) Want to go Camping?
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Let's have a party in your shoes, and then invite your pants.
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I'm hungry and I'm on a liquid diet.
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I can play the 1812 Overture on a touchtone phone with my tongue.
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Hey. Do you have that Hawiian Disease? What? "Comeoniwannalayya".
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I'm like chocolate: I go straight to your ass!
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I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
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Do you like jigsaw puzzles? Let's go to my room and put our pieces together.
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You, me, handcuffs, and whipped cream: interested?
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Lets play "Titanic." When I say "Iceburg!" you do down.
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What is long and hard, and right behind you?
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You remind me of a Twinky: Every time I bite into you, you cream in my mouth."
Ouch.

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If I were to send you flowers... No wait, let me rephrase: If I were to let you suck on my tongue, would you be grateful?
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I'll bet you $10 my dick can't fit into your mouth.
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Baby, I would do more things to you than MacGyver in a "Do-It-Yourself Shop".
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I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! I'm gonna have sex tonight!!! (With whom?) Depends: What are you doing tonight at around 1?
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I'm like Domino's Pizza: if you don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
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Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
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I'm a vegetarian but I'd make an exception for your meat!
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Smile. It is the second best thing you can do with your lips.
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Did you know that Rock and Roll was originally an African American euphimism for sex?" (creepy leering look)
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Do you think a relationship between you and I would be all sex, or do you think that there would be some depth to it?
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Puffs can guarantee a good blow. Can you?
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Hey, do you exercise? Can I be your thighmaster?
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I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?
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Have you ever been hunting before? (No.) Well, then how about you come up to my cabin with me this weekend and I can teach you how to stuff a beaver.
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I hear there's a major problem with deforestation in the world today. Why don't we put together your chest and my nuts, and help save the world?
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This condem (holding in hand) has your name written on it.
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Save a horse, Ride a cowboy.
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My vagina is a garden, want to shovel me out?
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Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?
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Excuse me, but I've been over by the bar running some numbers, and I believe that through combining our genes, we could create a faster, stronger, smarter super-soldier for our country. Now, there remains only one way to actually create this super-soldier, but in this time of national emergency, we have all been called upon to exert ourselves to new heights. Therefore, not for me, but for America, the cause of freedom calls upon you to go home with me tonight.
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Like the hurricane said to the coconut tree; hold on to your nuts I'm gonna give you the blow of your life.
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You should join the circus.(Why?) So you can learn to juggle my balls all day.
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(Blow a kiss and miss on purpose) Oops, I guess I missed, wanna try again, but a little closer?
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Who wants a mustache ride?
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My name is Haywood. Haywood Jablome.
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Are you a horse? (No.) Can I ride you anyway?
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Your shirt has to go, but you can stay.
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You know, I do sleep well with others...
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Hi, my name is Laura. I don't have a gag reflex.
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Can I add a branch to your family tree?
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Wanna lift? Your dick and my spirits.
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Do I know you? (No.) That's a shame, I'd sure like to.
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What time do you get off? Can I watch?
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Been to India? I'll get India (in to you).
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Do you know anything about real estate? (Grab crotch or breasts) I was just wondering if you could tell me if this is a lot.
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I'm on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
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Would you like to actively engage in mock procreation?
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Excuse me, I was wondering if you could help me? See,I'm trying to find someone. (Who?) Any girl/guy who'll sleep with me.
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I have a job for you.... but it blows...
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Aren't you the girl/guy who is having sex with that really good looking guy/girl? (No.) Want to be?
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Once you are finished fucking the 10-inchers, come back to me.
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My clit ring got stuck. Can you open it with your teeth?
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You should stop drinking! (Why?) Because you are driving me home.
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Are you a god? (Um, no.) You're not? Then why do I want to kneel before you?
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I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
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Are your knees dirty? I don't want to get my floor dirty.
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I just got this tan in Hawai'i. Why don't you call me when you want some of this tan to rub off on you.
lots

Still waiting for a call...
OH GOD! OH GOD! Just practicing.
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Hi. I just need you to know that you can't get pregnant from anal sex.
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Trust me. It will only seem kinky the first time.
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You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
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In another life I think we dated and I dumped you. But I'm thinking that that was a mistake. Now is your second chance!
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Excuse me, I'm putting together a list of people with whom I want to have sex, and I'll need the correct spelling of your name.
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Soccer players can go for 90 minutes and know 11 different positions. Just thought you should know that.
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I'd love you like a snowstorm: I'd give you 8 to 10 inches and you wouldn't be able to leave the house for 3 days.
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Hi, my name is Chris. Have you heard of me? No? Well let me take you home and fill you in.
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So, tell me about yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, your phone number.
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For a dollar, I'll blow you...a kiss.
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So you think I am full of myself? (Yes.) Would you rather be full of me instead?
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Did you just throw a water balloon at me? Because you've got me all wet.
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Hello. I'm just doing a survey. How tall are you on your knees?
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You are as beautiful as the sunset. How about we stay up and watch it? In the meantime...
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So you thinking about getting a piercing? Well, if you want you can come back to my place, I happen to know a bit about penetration.
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Did you know that I asked the devil for a condom and he gave me three. I asked him for a dime and he gave me a dollar. I asked him for a blowjob and he pointed at you...
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Hey, let's play the Price is Right. Your pants just won! So bring 'em on down!
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Did you know that you can feel your pulse in your groin? Want me to test it on you?
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If you were aspirin, I would take you every four to six hours.
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Be careful...I don't want my anus to break.
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Whisper into the ear: "Sponge bath."
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D you want to get into a car accident? I could hit it from behind.
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Let's talk about football. (Stick one hand out) There's an endzone here (put your other arm around the person) And there's an endzone here. Now let's talk about scoring.
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I have a present for you. I'm going to bear your children for the next five years.
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Do you want to go for a bicycle ride? Sit on my face and peddle my ears!
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Excuse me, you look just like my personal ho. May I have your name?
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Watch out! You almost burned me...with your hotness...Want to makeout?
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Women just use me for my rugged good looks, hard tanned muscular body, and large penis. Sometimes I just cry myself to sleep, craving for a hug in the morning, not a blow job. If you would you hug me in the morning, I'll let you suck me off later, but really, I just want to loved.
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